Team Names
by Kaira-chan15
Summary: After Sasuke changes them from Team Hebi to Team Taka, Suigetsu decides that it's only fair for him to have a say in the team name, too.


A/N: Alright, so I thought of this idea a year or two ago, and I just stumbled across it on one of my four snow days this week. I decided to write it because I wanted some comic relief from the seriousness of _Ashes Ashes, We All Fall Down_. Criticism, as always, is welcome. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

Team Names

"Alright, I call a team conference."

Sasuke internally sighed as Karin turned toward Suigetsu with a glare. "Who are you to call a team conference? Sasuke-kun's the leader, not you!"

"Yeah, well, there's something we need to work out."

This time, Sasuke sighed outwardly. "We're in the middle of setting up camp. It can wait."

"No, it can't. It's too important," Suigetsu said seriously.

"Does it involve the destruction of Konoha?" Sasuke asked.

"Well, no."

"Then it's not important."

Karin smirked as Suigetsu pouted. "But, but, Sasuke – "

"I said no," Sasuke growled, gritting his teeth against the painful throbbing in his head. The migraine started that morning and had grown increasingly worse as the hours ticked by. All he wanted to do was set up camp and rest, _quietly_. However, Suigetsu seemed determined to do the opposite.

"It will only take five minutes, I swear – "

There was a loud splash of water as Karin's fist connected with Suigetsu's face. "Sasuke-kun said no, damn it!"

Suigetsu's head regained its shape and the two erupted into their usual obnoxious bickering. Sasuke was fighting the urge to scream when Juugo quietly approached him. Finally, someone he could stand. "Sasuke-san, I have a suggestion," Juugo said quietly.

"What is it?"

"Why don't you let Suigetsu say what he wants to say and get it over with? You know he won't stop asking, even if you say no."

Juugo was right. Ignoring Suigetsu would probably result in more disaster than listening to him. Sasuke sighed yet again. Damn Juugo's logical reasoning.

"Suigetsu," Sasuke said. "What do you want? Make it quick."

Suigetsu grinned as if Christmas had come early. "Alright, we all need to get into a circle."

Sasuke internally groaned. "Why?"

"Because we're going to have a discussion, duh!" Suigetsu chastised. "Now come on, gather 'round." Once the other three grudgingly sat in a circle with him, Suigetsu cleared his throat and began. "So I think it's about time we all voted on a team name."

Sasuke knew this was a bad idea. "Suigetsu, we already have a team name."

"Yeah, but you chose it! We've never had a say in the team name."

Karin leaned forward in interest. She actually agreed with Suigetsu; he had a point.

"Do you have a problem with our current team name?" Sasuke asked.

"Well, yeah. I have to admit that Team Hebi was pretty badass, but Team Taka? Being named after a bird is kind of pansy-ish."

Sasuke frowned. He liked Team Taka. "It's not just any bird, it's a _ha_wk_."_

Suigetsu snorted. "Like that makes a difference."

Sasuke glared. "At least it has symbolism." His eyes flashed with despair and determination. "It represents my goal to avenge the Uchiha clan and to crush Konoha for –"

"Yeah, yeah," Suigetsu interrupted, rolling his eyes. "And Hebi represented your obsession with killing your brother. We get it. But more importantly, this name is giving us a bad rep. We need a better one."

The Sharingan flashed dangerously in Sasuke's eyes at the careless mention of his brother. Juugo hurriedly intervened with a question. "What do you think we should be named then, Suigetsu-san?"

Suigetsu smirked and leaned forward. "I'm glad you asked, Juugo. Now, we need something that sounds dangerous but seductive at the same time, and I've thought of the perfect choice. Are you ready?" Sasuke glared, Karin rolled her eyes, and Juugo merely stared. Suigetsu took a deep breath and stretched his arms out dramatically. "Team SexyBack."

Not even the crickets interrupted the silence that followed his statement. After many painfully long seconds, Karin was the first to speak. "What. the. hell? That doesn't sound dangerous at all!"

Suigetsu scoffed. "Of course it does! Sexiness is intimidating – but then again, you wouldn't know anything about that, would you, ugly?"

Another loud splash. "Look who's talking, bastard!"

Sasuke closed his eyes and rubbed his throbbing temples. He was wrong – ignoring Suigetsu would've been the better choice. "No, we are not naming our team 'SexyBack'."

"But why?" Suigetsu demanded once his head materialized. "It worked for Justin Timberlake."

Sasuke's eye twitched. "Who the _hell_ is Justin Timberlake?"

Suigetsu looked as if he'd been slapped. "You did not just say that."

"Is he important?" Juugo asked curiously.

"Um, does 'N Sync mean anything to you?"

"No."

Suigetsu threw his hands up in the air in an exaggerated tragic pose. "I have so much to teach you."

"Justin Timberlake aside, we're not naming my team that," Sasuke said firmly.

Suigetsu frowned. "Do _you_ have a better idea, Timberlake-hater?"

Sasuke gritted his teeth and bit back his reply. Karin decided to jump in instead. "How about Team Sasuke? That's dangerous and seductive," she cooed, eyeing Sasuke flirtatiously.

Suigetsu rolled his eyes, Sasuke gagged, and Juugo merely stared. "If you keep looking at him like that, we might as well call it Team Manwhore," Suigetsu jabbed.

Silence. Sasuke slowly reached for his katana. "Just what are you implying, Suigetsu?" he asked quietly.

Suigetsu seemed oblivious to the killing intent flowing steadily from the Uchiha. "Please, Sasuke," he snorted. "Have you read the fanfictions? You're totally a manwhore."

The Sharingan spun dangerously. "You have thirty seconds to tell me what the hell you're talking about."

Suigetsu sighed dramatically. "You're telling me you've never read a fanfiction? You're pretty much paired with everyone under the sun, most frequently with this Naruto guy."

"W-what?" Sasuke's killing glare faltered as he fought the urge to throw up.

Karin tilted her head curiously. "Am I paired with Sasuke-kun in any of these?"

"Uh, yeah," Suigetsu said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "So am I."

"Ew. I think I just threw up in my mouth a little," Karin sneered. While Karin seemed to be exaggerating, Sasuke unfortunately actually experienced the sensation.

"What about me?" Juugo asked timidly.

Suigetsu opened his mouth to reply but Sasuke silenced him. "Enough of this. I don't give a shit who Justin Timberlake is or who I'm paired with in these fanfictions. We are _not_ having our team name be SexyBack or Manwhore, and that's final."

Suigetsu pouted and grumbled, "You really suck at teamwork, you know that?"

"Yes," Sasuke hissed, clutching his aching head, "I know."

Silence stretched over Team Taka. Sasuke reveled in it, Suigetsu continued pouting, Karin picked at her shorts absently, and Juugo stared straight ahead.

And then Suigetsu made an unwise decision.

"Itachi would've agreed on Team SexyBack," he mumbled.

The silence was quickly filled with the screeching and crackling of a Chidori. Suigetsu seemed to forget that water conducted electricity.

Needless to say, Team Taka chose to keep their original name.


End file.
